Something that makes me so mad at myself and weighs so heavy on my heart is the way I’ve been feeling about the way I look lately.
Disclaimer: this is not me asking for attention in any way, shape, or form. I just need to write out how I feel and then hopefully I’ll feel better.
I hate that when I look in the mirror I see dimples where fat is, and rolls where I want to be flatness. I hate that my face looks so huge. I hate that I don’t want to be in any pictures or videos anymore because I hate the way I look so much.
I hate that I’m a woman who is hovering between not really skinny and not really fat. I hate that I feel like because I’m considered a bigger woman that I won’t find someone to love me. That’s what I hate the most out of everything. I hate that when I get on social media, or read comments or internet articles or hear fucking songs that talk about how they don’t want a wide, flat assed bitch or a that a girl who weighs more than 140 pounds shouldn’t wear leggings or yoga pants I wonder if that’s what I look like to people (even if there are really no grounds for me to think this way).
I have no idea exactly why or how or when my self esteem took a tumble but I do know that I have to get back to a place of loving myself for who and what I am. Because feeling like this, analyzing my appearance and the way others may see me, is not something that I can keep doing.
”no u arent doing it right let me demonstrate”
Johnny depp teaching other johnny depps so they can rule the world in his absence
do you ever hear a line in a song and it’s just so painfully clever you just sit there in shock for the remainder of the song
1. Make a playlist of all your favorite songs, old ones you may have totally forgotten about from middle school or ones that bring back good memories.
2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings.
3. Organize your drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.
4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or smores. They’re not just for camping!
5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.
6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored pencils for just such an occasion. It’s relaxing and fun and won’t stress you out.
7. Call your best friend. No one talks on the phone anymore. I hate it. Let’s all talk in voices!
8. Get some sparkly temporary tattoos and give yourself the weirdest tramp stamp ever. Or decorate your whole arm. Whatever. You know you loved it as a kid.
9. Re-read your favorite book. Highlight the passages that make you love it so much so you’ll never forget them.
10. Start watching “The Wire” or “Arrested Development,” whichever is more your speed at the moment. Indulge in some quality programming to remind yourself life is worth living and people still make good stuff.
11. Read everything you can find about your favorite sports team. If you’re not already, become an expert on the team’s history, statistics and players. It’ll take your mind off you for a while.
12. Go volunteer with animals in some way. Being around cuties and fluffies will brighten your mood, and so will helping those in need.
13. Write someone else a really nice email. Just an out-of-the-blue “thanks for being so great!” email. Why not?
14. Do some yoga poses. You can look them up online if you don’t know any. Try holding them and breathing slowly.
15. Go on Youtube and watch all the “fail” videos you can find. Be grateful you are not that person. Being you isn’t so bad!
16. Light some candles, turn off the lights and meditate for as long as you can hold it.
17. Or do the same and touch yourself. Have a little solo romance, among candles. Are you trying to seduce you?
18. Look up some family genealogy stuff on the internet. Did you know your great-great-great uncle owned a department store in Russia? Now you do! And hey, your ancestors probably had it a lot worse. Since you know, no plumbing and iPhones and stuff.
19. Futz around with your hair. Add some color or see what it would look like curly or in a beehive.
20. Do your make up. Make it look crazy or much thicker than you’d normally wear it. What would you look like as Amy Winehouse or Ke$ha? You’re in the comfort of your own home. Why not see?
21. Eat fruit. Fruit has sugars that can lift your mood. Go for the pineapple and blueberries. Or make yourself a smoothie.
22. If you have a journal, go back and read old entries. Remember all that stuff you cared about a year ago that now doesn’t matter?
23. Smile. Even if you don’t feel like it, sometimes moving the muscles in our face activates chemicals in our brains to lift our moods. Smiling when you don’t want to can actually help you feel better.❞
Karen Noble, 23 Ways To Feel Better Instantly (via hefuckin)